I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
