I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
