dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
