I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
