First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
