I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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