weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
