I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
