It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
