Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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