I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
