In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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