We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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