whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
