i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
