Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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