So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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