The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you would pick up someone in the library
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
