You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
