whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
