two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize