he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
