Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
