let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
