I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
