he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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