thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
