You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
