So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
