Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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