i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Found your dick twin last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
