Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize