Please, let me fuck your mom
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
