Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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