I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize