This is not my ceiling
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
