He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
