i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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