i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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