his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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