I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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