oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
