Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
