I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
