hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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