BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
