You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
