i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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