I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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