Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
