My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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