i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
