My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
