Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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