ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
