OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
