Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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