im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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