I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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