I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
