I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's shark week go big or go home
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
