he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
