ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
