Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize