we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
