I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize