nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
