Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
